The return of cerebellum blues. Literally.

I haven't written much about the progress on my album, but sadly, the reason is that there hasn't been any.

The last two recording sessions did not really go as planned. For both, I was busy fending off my cerebellum's masterful attempts to cause me extra dizziness, headaches and touch of nausea; in fact, in the second of the two sessions, I actually fell asleep, which is only rock and roll when excessive drugs are involved.

I was also working a bit last week -- I occasionally do some advertising writing to test how my brain holds up under 9-5 conditions -- and... what a disaster. Headaches, twitchiness, fatigue... sigh. I keep thinking I will awake one day, head off to work, do it again the next day and the next and all will be well. That day remains in the future.

These ups and downs are the hardest thing about my condition. I never feel "normal", though many days are certainly better than others. The problem is... I don't know when the good days will be. Worse, I've taken to worrying about everything I do. If I run, will that ruin my day? If I stay up late? Have an extra glass wine? Think hard about something? Miss a dose of one of the drugs I'm supposed to take? Forget to do my BrainPort therapy?


But at least I have music, right? I mean, I can take all of this unpleasantness and write a song, can't I? Indeed I can. And I have. But is the process of channeling my discomfort into song form really all that therapeutic? Honestly, I'm not so sure. By forcing me to really focus on my issues, to try to understand them, to express them, to describe how they make me feel, the songwriting process forces me to spend more time with that which is screwed up in my life than that which is not. How can this be healthy?

Anyway, here's the tune I'm working on regarding my ever-changing health. I plan to have Josh Fix sing it, pending permission from my brain to have a good studio session.

Yo Yo

Life pulls me up
Then drops me down
And I can’t see any method to the madness

I try to be tough
I try to act like a clown
Because I don’t want to fall back into sadness

I take long walks
I try to meditate
And I talk and talk
But even drugs can’t change my state (of mind)

I am like a yo-yo
Rising and falling
I’m just a yo-yo
I don’t hold the string
I am like a yo-yo
Rising and falling
I’m just like a yo-yo
And these ups and downs make the world spin (to me)

Life gives me hope
Then leaves me twisting in the wind
And I can’t see the rhyme or the reason

I try to cope
I try never to give in
But it’s like trying to fight a change of seasons

And I play my guitar
I call a friend
I take a drive in the car
But the ups and downs they never end (for me)

And I walk the dog
And I sleep all morning long
I make things look alright
Even when they’re all wrong
‘Cause I know the tricks
Just like a childhood song
So rock me baby
Because there’s something wrong (with me)

I am like a yo yo, rising and falling
I am like a yo yo, I don’t hold the string
And I’m rising up, and I’m falling down (x2)
I’m rising, and I’m falling (x2)

TBD for outchorus...

I start to laugh, and then the tears come down
I feel hope, and then the sky falls down
And I think I’m going to be alright
And then day gives way to night